I experimented with natural hair care

Yesterday my mother-in-law took my daughter to a kids hair salon to get her bangs cut.  This has happened numerous times, but yesterday the hairdresser "found" some lice nits (i.e. lice eggs).  Of course everyone freaked out, but my mother-in-law was pretty sure it was just dandruff, which I've noticed in my daughter's hair for a couple weeks.  She bought lice treatment just in case.  It was administered and sheets, blankets, clothes, whatever were all washed.  Lice checks were done on me, my husband, and my other children.  The only thing found was dandruff/dry skin/whatever in my hair, which I also knew about.

I've been struggling with an itchy scalp for weeks.  I've tried dandruff shampoo, more conditioner, cleansing shampoo, and more frequent washings, but nothing helped.  In fact, the dandruff shampoo made things worse so I was pretty frustrated.  I did some reading.  Supposedly, apple cider vinegar will help with dandruff and other scalp issues.  Dr. Oz swears by it.... Anyhow, I figured it can't hurt to try.  It helped with my heartburn and sore throat when mixed with honey.  The other things that might work are aloe vera, tea tree oil, and coconut oil.  Well shit, I already had coconut oil from a skin/health care routine that fell by the wayside.  I dug it out, heated it up and took it into the bathroom with me.  I got the apple cider vinegar and mixed half a cup with one cup water, put that in my hair with fingers, a fine tooth comb, and mild pouring.  Since I lacked a shower cap, I used saran wrap to cover my hair and put on my Ninja Turtles beanie.  I let that sit for fifteen minutes before rinsing it out.  I shampooed with a new "natural" shampoo that I also added the coconut oil to.  Rinsed that out and voila, done.

First impressions:

1. My hair is soft, silky smooth
2. My head isn't itchy 
3. Less flaking 

Since these are first impressions, they are extremely subject to change.  I also plan on doing this treatment again.  I'll update my results, provided I remember it.  Either way, it's working so far and it was worth trying, especially since I already had the ingredients.  Here's hoping it does the job.


Update:
   
I didn't keep up with the routine for more than about a week.  I did start washing my hair every day with a "natural" shampoo and conditioner (it's a big-name brand so I doubt how natural it is, but it doesn't have any silicone).  After one night, I'm finding my hair seems oily in a place best compared to cats and where their scent glands are on their heads.  Considering previous research, I think I might be causing my hair to release more oil because I'm drying it out.  To switch that up, I've tried using the diluted vinegar before my shampoo and including coconut oil in my conditioner.  That resulted in really oily hair for the day (I showered in the morning).  I might try the same treatment at night so the coconut oil can really set).  Either way, I still have an itchy scalp and mild dandruff.  The number of flakes has, in fact, decreased, but I'm still not satisfied.

I can't help but wonder though, if there's really that much I can do because I'm outside in the cold, dry air both in the morning and during the day.  I wear a hat, but maybe it isn't really helping.  I'm hoping I can finish up my shampoo and conditioner quickly so that I can get a different brand that I've had more time to research and maybe that would help.  There's a good chance I'll see a dermatologist if it keeps up.  I'd be curious to know if the small patch of eczema on my wrist predisposes me to having scalp issues.  That could be some useful information to have.

Update 2:

After reading about shampoos for eczema on the scalp, I found a product for me and one for my son.  I have yet to bathe my son with his new calendula shampoo, but I did start using my tea tree oil shampoo.  This stuff is amazing.  I've had hardly any flakes, my scalp feels good, and my hair looks healthier.  Instead of one shampoo bottle and one conditioner, I accidentally got two shampoo bottles.  Since I've been using it for about a week and love it, I'm going back for the conditioner.

This stuff has been working great for me so far.  I bought mine on Amazon.

How I avoided shopping the week of Christmas

I work retail so this whole week I've seen people running around like chickens with their heads cut off.  Or maybe their heads are still on because there's been some squawking.  I will say though, that most people have been really nice.  I've worked ten Christmas' and this year is the nicest customers have been and yet, I'm almost more miserable than I've ever been during holidays.  The worst was when I was left to work Christmas Eve by myself in 2006.  I think my problem this year is that I'm tired.  I had exams last week on the 16th and then I've been working my ass off since.  Don't get me wrong, my coworkers have worked more than me, but they don't have children.

Thanks to my children, I ensure I am done shopping before this week.  When my first child was due two days before Christmas (and arrived four days before Thanksgiving), I got my shopping done by the end of October.  I knew there was no way I could stand in a long line or squeeze between shelves and shoppers with an enormous, bulging belly so I sought gifts out in advance.  The relief I felt knowing my shopping was done before the holidays started was so great that I decided to make the effort to recreate the experience each year.

Three years ago, it started to be popular to host online deals Thanksgiving night.  After indulging in a fantastic meal, I sat down to my laptop and ordered my gifts without leaving the sofa.  I still bought stocking stuffers near the end, but was otherwise done.

This year, I bought everything by the end of November, including stocking stuffers.  I happened to be at Target and only had the toddlers with me so I was able to sneak things into the cart.  Realistically, they weren't going to be any cheaper closer to the holiday and I'd be less likely to get the ones I wanted.  Stocking stuffers? Done.  I looked through a catalog and saw something for my mother-in-law, but why order through the catalog?  I went on Amazon, ordered it Prime, BAM! Two days later and it's here.  Better price, faster shipping, and rewards points to my Amazon Rewards Visa.  Gifts for my mom?  I buy them through the year.  If I see something on sale that I know someone would like, I buy it and keep it until birthdays or holidays.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't feel like the sales were as good this year as they've been in the past.  Thanks to that, I don't feel bad that I didn't wait for the "big deals".  I'd much rather spend a few more dollars and be done shopping sooner.  That way I don't become the last minute shopper.  I'm sure the day will come when my kids want the "hottest toy" and maybe I'll feel desperate to get it for them, but for now, that day has not arrived and hopefully when it does, I'll remember working the week of Christmas and will keep my cool.

Epiphany

I've had some suspicions in the past few months, but today I made a full realization: I don't know where I belong.  Let me provide some context.

As I've probably mentioned, I'm taking an intermediate Spanish course this semester (the second to last one I need) and we have a writing assignment.  Our professor provided the two options beforehand so we could prepare.  We can't use what we write, but we can organize our thoughts and iron out some of the kinks so we can complete our essay in class--and possibly leave some time to spare.

One of the questions, which seems easy at first, is: Write about two groups that you consider yourself to be a member of.  There are more parts to this like, who are members, are the groups diverse, etc.  I wanted to do this essay, but I realized I don't know what groups I belong to.  I could say America, or Virginia, or whatever, but I don't really feel at home here.  I felt much more at home when I was in Costa Rica.  I'd say I'm a member of the Female Group, but I feel at odds with my gender a lot of the time.  I'm part of the Milennials, but again, I'm a little old to be with them and a little young to be Gen X.  I have characteristics of both generations.  I'd say I'm part of the community of my employer, but I'm at a point where I feel like I've outgrown it (the grapevine, the passion of the topic, the willingness to sacrifice my personal life).  I have different priorities.  I'm part of my school's community, but only as a technicality.  Other than that, I'm part of my own personal community of my family.  I'm a wife and a mother.  Those seem like groups in which I could feel like part of a community, but as a divorcee and remarried woman, my wife classification is a little funky and as a relatively young mother, I struggle to fit in with other moms.  I'm too old to be a teen mom and too young to be included among my daughter's classmates' mothers.

Maybe the larger issue is that I struggle with my identity, even at this stage in my life.  I know that I am young, but I've reached many of the different levels in the game of life.  Again, I'm a wife and a mother.  I have a mortgage, life insurance, and a will.  I've lost my father, a father-in-law, my grandparents, and nearly my mother.  I'm a former store manager who hasn't graduated college.  I'm a feminine woman who is not girly.  I'm a gamer, an athlete, and an artist.  I love turtles, Ninja Turtles, Batman, Miyazaki, sci-fi, fantasy, real-life crime dramas, but I don't dig Dungeons and Dragons, cosplay, dogs or horses.  I'm a mix of many things.  Jack of all trades, yet master of none.  It's filling a lot of roles, but none completely.

Perhaps it's a lack of personal achievement in ways I find meaningful.  I love my children.  I'm proud of delivering each one naturally and under three hours a piece.  I love being a mother, but I hate not having a degree or a career, or even knowing what career I'm interested in.  I haven't published a book or sold a work of my art.  I haven't invented a product that satisfies a need.  So far, I've only produced children.  Amazing children, but children, nonetheless.  I want to do something meaningful.  Something that belongs to me and me alone (or as a team of highly qualified individuals).  Someday it will happen, but I'm impatient and presently dissatisfied.

I've leave this post as it is for now since I need to be productive and complete some school assignments that the failure of which will hinder my progress.  Nobody wants that less than I.

Just Past Mid-Year Resolution

No more complaining.

I've been feeling a little funky lately and couldn't quite pinpoint the cause.  I've been feeling especially restless.  I'm still going to my classes, but I've also started working more.  That could be going better.  It's not that I'm not motivated, I'm just unable to be excited.  I'm trying, but it's not genuine.  

I went back to my old concerns that I'm mildly depressed so I looked up natural remedies online.  One article suggested exercise, time in the sun, and Omega-3 fatty acids.  I get more exercise now than I have in years, but I do keep out of the sun and I haven't been eating a lot of fish lately so today I'm sitting in the sun and I bought salmon to eat later.  I think I'm on the right track.

The other point the article mentioned was the social aspect.  I always felt that I needed more time alone, but now, I'm feeling rather lonely.  I always have, but at least before, I had many acquaintances to keep my mind off of it.  Now, I'm pretty isolationist.  It's tough to meet up with people with my kids and their schedules.  Now that I'm working more, it's even more difficult.  I know my interactions at work are helping to restore my mental acumen, which had been waning, but it's just not enough.  I love my husband and my kids, but I need a close friend--a confidante, if you will.  To be honest, I've always felt that relationship lacking most of all and now more than ever.  My best friend since sixth grade is across the country.  My cousin, who is like a sister, is several states away, and my best friend from college is in South Korea, another country!  I need a replacement.  I have a few candidates in mind, but I think I'm scared that I don't know how to build a friendship anymore.  That and two out of the three women I'm thinking of have their own children to schedule around.  I know I should be comfortable getting our kids together, but my house is a mess and my kids can be a hassle.  I'd leave them with my husband, but I feel guilty leaving him alone since we don't see each other nearly enough as it is.  

Either way, I definitely need to do something about it.  I'm determined to stop being a victim and take action.  It's time to think positively and encourage my own happiness.  I know it's not as simple as wishing it and then making it so, but when you remind yourself of the good things you have and stop worrying about what you don't, you will feel happier.  As I'm writing this, I'm actively engaging myself in being happier.  I'm actually allowing myself to feel better.  

This is going to sound disjointed when read with the previous paragraphs, but it fits in with the overall post.  A few articles I read talked about the effects of gratitude on your well-being.  When you practice gratitude, you feel better.  Remember how they told you as a child that giving gifts is better than receiving and you didn't really believe it?  By now, you've probably realized the truth in that statement.  It feels at least as good to say "thank you" as it does to hear it.  I just thanked my husband for making a delicious dinner and thanked God for not letting me fail my Stats quiz (luck also played a large role).  Point is, practicing gratitude is one way that I'm taking control of my happiness.  

The true test will come tomorrow when I get back to work.  Having a good day at school is pretty easy as an adult in college compared to having a good day at work (totally reversed from when I was in high school).  Here's to positivity!

"Looking for Lunch Buddy"/Art

I'm sitting at school, in a table for four, alone, typing with my Spanish textbook open.  Maybe I look like I'm doing work.  I am in a way.  People around me sit eating, talking, with their computers open, sharing notes, experiences, lunch.

I sat down to eat my leftovers from yesterday.  Half of a sub with ham, roast beef, shredded lettuce, tomatoes, raw shredded onions, and a deliciously spicy dijon mustard/mayo combo.  Yum.  Afterwards, I opened my book to read a section from a book named Como agua para chocolate.  We only have a page of two from the story so I went online to read a quick summary.  It's a little messed up, but a lot of stories are.  Many stories are overly dramatic and unrealistic.  If they weren't, there's a chance they'd resemble our own lives a little too much, boring and predictable.  Don't get me wrong, I have a fondness for predictable.  It's very useful with small children, but hard to break out of.  As I've noted, I'm interested in writing more often; however, I'm finding it very challenging to actually make time to do it, which I've been told (through author quotes on Twitter) means I don't want to do it badly enough.  Maybe I don't.  It's hard to say.

When I was younger, I was very interested in drawing.  I used to do sketches constantly: little cartoons (Smiley Plant was a favorite of mine--Link pending) and faces.  I learned early on that faces (and other drawings) make use of shadows to illustrate depth and create a three dimensional effect.  I never believed myself that talented.  It seemed natural and easy to me to darken parts of the face that sit further back and keep light on the parts that stick out more, such as the tip of the nose, the brow, and the chin.  When considering the work of others, I know I'm not that talented.  I possess no more ability than the common street artist.  I lack vision.  My sketches are little more than doodles with no thought and no heart.  True artists look at a blank sketchpad and see a drawing within.  They are merely exposing it and bringing it to light.  They apply emotion, texture, and content.  Artists bring their images to life.

The same can be said of painting.  I love to paint.  There is almost nothing sweeter and more satisfying than sweeping a brush of oil paint across a canvas.  Blending two colors to create a third.  You learn that shadows are not about using more hatches like pen or more lead with pencil, but choosing different colors and making the ones you do not already have.  You can show light and dark with red and green.  Painting is an expression of your soul when used liberally.  That stuff I can do.  Paintings of buildings and wild cats, sunny days changing to rain, birds scattering to the sky--that I cannot do.  Again, I lack the ability to visualize how I want to picture to turn out.  Even when I have an idea, I lack the technique to bring it to life.

Writing presents a different challenge.  I have a story to tell.  I know how to tell it.  I've been encouraged by a published writer (local friend) that I have ability.  I cannot seem to turn up the heat enough to ignite my passion.  I enjoy writing, hearing the rhythm of the words in my mind as I read them soundlessly, putting them down digitally.  Why can't I just suck it up and do it?  Why, indeed.

Hablo español

Today I stayed after class to ask my Spanish teacher if he knew my Spanish teacher from my high school since they are located five minutes apart.  He doesn't, but he thinks his colleague does.
Anyway, at some point I mentioned that I had considering minoring in Spanish.  He thought that was a great idea!  He even said there were people he knew at UVA that he thought would be helpful for me.  Hearing that was very encouraging.

I had given up on the idea since I hadn't taken Spanish in nearly ten years, but it is a requirement for my transfer degree so I took the placement test and decided to start at square one so I could move on more easily.  I excelled in my previous Spanish classes, but then I had a few semesters off after birthing my youngest. I felt very intimidated and worried that I wouldn't understand what the teacher was saying (my last Spanish teacher was a female and I thought an easy grader).  After getting in to class, I discovered I was not behind at all.  In fact, I've found myself getting ahead.  What a relief!  It was even nicer to hear my teacher felt the same way.  He said that I'm a natural and have a real aptitude for the language.

So far, I'm feeling the love in all my classes.  Since I entered with low expectations of myself, I've quickly surpassed them in both math and Spanish, the two I worried most about.  I'm starting to think that maybe I am as smart as I used to think.  Either that or I'm not as dumb as I've worried I am.  I'll take it.  Point being, I guess I'm looking into a minor in Spanish with whatever major I choose.

Labels are for tools...and children

Earlier this week, it was cooler so I had my daughter wear a zip-up hoodie for our walk to her school.  We were in a hurry, like usual, so we grabbed the closest one that fit; the new blue, My Little Pony, Rainbow Dash hoodie.  As I said, we were in a hurry so we snagged it and ran out the door.

A couple days ago, it was cool in the morning again so I ask my daughter to put on the MLP hoodie.  She tells me she lost it.  When?  She doesn't know.  I tell her, "You better find it.  I'm not getting you another one."  I mention the "Lost and Found" to her because I know that's where that stuff should be going.  That afternoon, when I ask if she's located the jacket, she has not.  I know my daughter well.  She probably forgot to look for it so I sent a note with her this morning addressed to her teacher, asking for assistance in recovering the hoodie.

When I pick her up today, she has her jacket in hand and proceeds to tell me, "You know, you need to put my name on it.  My first AND last name".  Um, last I checked, she's the one who lost it in the first place and now she's lecturing me on labeling it.  I mistakenly assumed she would protect it since My Little Pony is her favorite and she knows it isn't mine.  To be fair, I did forget before it left the house; however, I was very much aware that it needed to be labeled.  That's why I was so worried she wouldn't find it.  It's a nice hoodie!  I wouldn't have been surprised if a kid found it and took it home.  Thank goodness that didn't happen.  So now, the hoodie is labeled.  With a first AND last name.

Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood

Today I put on my son's favorite show,  Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood.   For those who don't know, it's basically a follow-up to the extremely popular Mister Rogers' Neighborhood that features characters created by Fred Rogers. 

Growing up,  I watched Mister Rogers' Neighborhood all the time.  I know I wanted to be his neighbor, you probably did too.  I have very fond memories of trolley's bell ringing, Mr. McFeely delivering mail, and Mister Rogers' putting on his signature cardigan sweater and sneakers.  It really was "such a good feeling to know you[were] alive" when watching the show.  I grew up with a mentally-ill father who was not always emotionally available to me so my childhood memories consist of several specific moments, one of which is sitting in my neighbor Flossie's house watching Mister Rogers' Neighborhood when visiting my family in New Jersey (we moved when I was seven) while she cooked in the kitchen.

Sometimes I'm reminded of those memories when watching Daniel Tiger with my kids.  Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood stars the children of the characters from the original Land of Make-Believe, shown in Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.  It's very cute, animated, and features a song about whatever topic that's being covered in the two fifteen minute segments.  Unlike a lot of shows, the theme for the day is carried through both segments and the song learned in the first one is used in the second segment.  For example, today Daniel Tiger felt left out because his friends live in the same tree so they play together all the time without him.  The song about being sad and feeling better soon was used in the second half of the show when the class duckling was given to a farm to continue growing.  There's something very special about having your children enjoy something that holds sentimental value for you.  Hearing my two-year-old sing and dance along to the theme song and watching my one-year-old bob his head to it nearly brought tears to my eyes.  How amazing it must be to make such a difference in the lives of children, even after you are gone.  I hope someday I can have half the positive effect on people that Fred Rogers had.

Destiny, the game not the philosophical power

I played some Destiny on PS4 not long after the release and my initial feelings were positive.  I debated buying the game because I have any number of PS2, PSP, PS3, and DS games that are still in shrinkwrap.  Disclaimer: I work for Gamestop.  Because of my job, I am surrounded by games and previews.  They haunt me, taunting with their bright cover art and promotion items.  Not to give the wrong impression, it isn't huge, but I do get a modest discount on games and used items.  It stacks with the Power Up Rewards card so I usually buy used, unless it's an RPG since those used to be hard to find after they sold out (Shin Megami Tensei games, Rogue Galaxy, Atelier, anyone?).  Basically, it's easy for me to buy games.  Lots of games.

Since buying a house, going back to school, having a third child, and buying a minivan to transport said child (and siblings), my gaming budget has been reduced.  I also reached a point where it wasn't fun to shop for games anymore.  It was kind of sad, to be honest.  The moment arrived when I didn't want anything new.  I lost my passion for games.  Fortunately, my third child would nurse and take tummy naps on me, leaving me with nothing to do, but play games (sister goes to school and brother takes regular naps).  Yes, I probably could have done something else, like catch up on several TV series, which I did do until catching up to current series.  Point being, I started actually PLAYING the games I owned.  Why buy more when I have such a backlog of amazing titles?

As stated, I tried Destiny.  I recently bought a used PS4 and only have a few games for it.  Most notably, Diablo 3 Ultimate Edition.  I love Diablo.  My husband and I play it together and the guy who introduced us joins in occasionally, but I knew everyone else would be getting Destiny.  Enough of them have asked me if I was planning on purchasing.  I said I'd check it out sometime, but could wait.  Apparently not.  Today, after returning Destiny yesterday, I began to miss it.  I even played some Diablo to take my mind off of it.  Just didn't cut it so I rounded up some old PS3 games and traded them in.  It hurt a little, but I know that I can always re-buy the games I traded, in newer single-disc-space-saving collections (Assassin's Creed: Ezio's Trilogy and God of War Saga).  To be honest, I haven't even touched the PS3 since buying the PS4 and I feel a little guilty about that.

Let me tell you why I broke down and bought Destiny.  Some background information: Destiny is an MMO-RPG-FPS (for those who don't know, Massively-Multiplayer-Online-Role-Playing-Game-First-Person-Shooter).  It's made by Bungie, who created Halo, an extremely popular kind-of-revolutionary FPS.  I have experience with some fantasy style MMO's like World of Warcraft and Conan: Age of Hyboria and experience with RPG's.  I didn't really get into Final Fantasy (except the 16-bit ones), which is the series most people think of, but I really like the Tales series, Mega Ten games, and blended titles like Borderlands, Fallout, and Mass Effect, that combine RPG elements with First or Third Person Shooting.  I love the upgrade systems and rewards for actions like kills and quest completion.  I also love loot.

Destiny is possessing of all those elements.  There are always other players around that will often help if you encounter a particularly challenging foe (unless you're in a story mission), you can party with your friends (online only and not the BYOB kind....well, that's not completely true, you can still BYOB), and your character levels up.  You can even upgrade your gear.  The environment is also relatively sprawling and it looks gorgeous.  The soundtrack creates a feeling of unease as you walk through dark hallways in abandoned warehouses with naught but a flickering bulb to light your way.  Equally terrifying for me are fights involving numerous enemies and a "miniboss" (if you can call them that).  They're enemies that have some sort of shield and move very shiftily, although I have adapted to a duck-and-weave strategy that often ends in firing round after round of ammunition and a punch to the face (usually not my face).  Hallways are your friends when facing small hordes and so are random containers distributed throughout the environments, which are amazing.  Maybe it's because I'm playing the PS4 version, but the details are precise, colors are vibrant, textures are realistic, and shadows move accurately.  It looks post-apocalyptic, but lacks the paleness of Fallout 3, and that's a good thing.

Some things to note: it doesn't have the looting extravaganza that you'll find it Borderlands or Diablo, nor do you possess a weight limit like Fallout; however, there are loot chests scattered around that contain currency and materials.  Compared to the majority of titles I play, I don't feel pressed to explore every nook and cranny.  It's unlikely to be rewarded.  I also don't get the benefit of clearing my map since there isn't one, strictly speaking.  There's a round "compass" that points towards your objective.  Also, in contrast to other RPG's, I find the leveling system to be mildly sluggish.  I completed several side missions in an attempt to match the level of the story mission, but found it time-consuming and slightly repetitive.  There are a lot of fetch missions that involve killing enemies to collect materials.  The good news is that you usually don't need to acquire too many of said items.

Overall, I have a very strong crush on this game.  I wouldn't say I'm in love (Borderlands might think I'm cheating on it), but it's a possibility and next to Diablo 3, it's the best thing I'm playing on PS4 (until I open my Last of Us Remastered Edition).  It's certainly the best shooter, for me personally.  AND for anyone hesitant to shell out $50 for a Playstation Plus membership, do it.  It's worth it for all the free games you'll get to download, especially if you already have a PS Vita or PS3 since it works across all three current Sony platforms and allows multiple users on the PS4 to access your downloads.  Seriously, you'll thank me later.

Sexism conspiracy and gaming

Maybe it's just me, but I'm so sick of all the "#Gamergate" and "Quinspiracy" bullshit.  Every time I go on Twitter, there's some new article or tweet about sexism in games and corruption in journalism.  Of course there is!  There always has been.  Games have been sexist since Mario was rescuing his first princess.  Who was making those games anyway?  Not women.

Journalism has always been corrupt.  Has anyone watched Fox News in the last....ever?  Pretty much every written word has been backed by bias.  Usually male bias, since women weren't considered capable of anything other than reproduction.

On that note, if women are better suited for the home and pregnancy, why can't the United States support them like other first world nations?  That is a discussion for another post.

Back to my original point.  All this vitriol over sexism in games and lack of journalist integrity makes me want to stay far away from the industry.  I used to be interested in game design or doing artwork either during production or afterwards, but after all this, I'm glad I stayed away from it.  The behavior is so juvenile and pathetic that I want nothing to do with it.  Can't we all just act like human beings and respect each other?  Actually, I take that back because I have no desire to hold any respect for people that behave like adolescent bullies.

While you all argue about who's right and who's wrong, I'm going to go play my games and enjoy them, like I'm supposed to and engage my children because I choose to (and not because I'm supposed to).

Game consoles in the matrix

I'm taking a finite mathematics course and most recently we learned about matrices.  We've been discussing Gauss-Jordan Elimination and terminology.  I was doing my homework and having a pretty easy time of it until given a matrix and being asked to find the linear equation it represented and show the solution.  Here:

[1  -2  0  -3 | -5]  = x1 - 2x2 -3x4 = -5       The confusion I had was what solution I was supposed to show.
[0   0   1   3 |  2]  = x3 + 3x4 = 2                There are four variables and only two equations.

My husband teaches math in high school so I figured he could help.  As he had me point out, x4 is present in both equations.  Therefore, it becomes t.  Okay, simple enough.  So then we say x3 = -3t + 4.  Okay, still good.  But now what do we do with x1 and x2 ?  As we all know, solving for one variable is easier than two so we say x2 (or x1) is s.  So x1 = 2s - 3t -5 and we're done.  I say to hubby, "It all seems so arbitrary.  How can you assign random letters to different variables and retain some meaning?"  This is how he explains it:

"Say we have PS2's, PS3's, PS4's, and Xbox's and we want to find out how many we need to sell of each to get a specific sales figure.  If we say that 5000 Xbox's were sold, does that guarantee that 400 PS4's sold?  No, so we assign a value t.  We then say that another console, PS3's is represented by s.  It's not arbitrary because we're accounting for the many real numbers that could be the values for the four variables."

I'm paraphrasing, since he definitely did not use those words exactly, but you get the gist.  I was like, "That makes so much more sense when you put it that way".  If I didn't have to go to my Statistics class immediately upon finishing Finite, I might have been able to ask my professor, but he doesn't know me personally and know what context would make sense to me.  That and my husband is a great teacher.

Electric toothbrushes for the win

Today I went to the dentist.  Usually a trip to the dentist involves scraping and poking at my gum line until they bleed.  It's fraught with guilt and deception (you know you've lied about how frequently you've flossed or brushed).  I get more of a lecture there than I got in 18 years of living with my parents.  Yeah, it's that bad.

In the past, I was a lazy flosser and brusher.  I have veneers on my first six upper teeth to fix a slight under-bite and discoloration from a calcium deficiency stemming from a milk allergy when I was young.  Since they're porcelain, I didn't feel like I needed to take as good care of them, which was stupid.  I also didn't visit a dentist for five years.

After starting to see a dentist again, I fell back into my old habits when I was pregnant.  I didn't want to brush or use mouthwash because the taste and sensation made me feel sick.  Flossing made my gums bleed, which is normal in pregnancy due to increased blood flow, but still unpleasant.  Less than a year and a half after birthing that child, I was pregnant again.  I tried to get back on track.  Dental hygiene is important in pregnancy since a bacterial infection in your mouth can get in your bloodstream and get to your baby.  I did a decent enough job until after the birth when I ended up nursing my son and eating round the clock to support my milk production (sorry if that's TMI).  At nearly a year old, we are still nursing, but not nearly as much as before so my eating has backed off.  Since I'm not eating all the time, I now have a tooth routine. 

The last time I was at the dentist, I was told to kick it into high gear because if I didn't start taking better care of my teeth, I'd lose them.  That terrified me so I got an electric Sonicare toothbrush and started my now-current routine. 

Let me tell you, it helped.  I only got picked at for a few minutes and only around the middle four bottom teeth.  I was told to focus on that area because of salivary glands causing issues there, a "common problem for people" and was treated to another demonstration on proper flossing ("make sure to hook it around each side of the tooth").  Otherwise, it was a great visit. 

In summary, I'm glad I shelled out the extra money for the brush.  Anything that helps me keep my teeth is a winner in my book, and who doesn't want to get fussed at less by their hygienist?

I blogged! And spent some time thinking about my education and how much fun it is to claim you have a "B.S."

The topic should come as no surprise as I am typing on a blog now, but I'm pretty impressed with myself.  I've spent so much time wasting time and fiddling with technology that it's rare that I get things done.  That's not entirely true.  I get things done in big clumps.  I'll run laundry one load after another, fold while other clothes are washing and/or drying, then clean whatever room the clothes are going to.  It's a mess.  I get distracted easily by the sheer volume of things to clean.  Our house has about 2000 feet of dustable space and little less than 500 bug-infested feet of garage that I dream about "factory resetting".  Truth be told, it's so discouraging that the house rarely gets the cleaning it needs and deserves.  I can be a floor Nazi though.  Our sons drop Cheerio's all over the kitchen floor and it ends up being like a minefield of crunchy, oatey, goodness.  I hate the sensation of crushing Cheerio's under my feet.  It's even worse when I look at my sock and it's dirty from the floor.  I know that's hard to avoid with five people walking around, but it drives me nuts so I frequently vacuum floors and steam clean whenever possible.

Another example of clumping behavior is the extreme amount of time I take researching anything.  I spend weeks or months reading specs and reviews on phones, TVs, computers, even external hard drives.  I just want to make sure I'm not blowing my money on a shitty product.  Can't say the end justifies the work, but at least I'm making an informed decision.  Today I looked at degree programs at two local universities.  It's stupid, but I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to degrees.  I really want a Bachelor of Science, not Arts.  I guess it's because I feel like hiring managers see "B.A" and automatically skip over what the degree was in.  A degree in "Science" sounds so much more legit and smart, and who doesn't want to sound smart to an employer?  Or anyone you're bragging to about your degree.  Maybe the thought of saying I have a "B.S" makes me chuckle.  I don't know.  Either way, it's what I'd like to have.  I mean, I'd be happy either way with any degree since I'm nearing thirty and still haven't notched that on my belt.  No joke, my self-esteem relatively hinges on earning my bachelor's.  My problem now, and always, is what to get my degree in.  I've spent hours researching degree programs and thinking back on the classes I've taken.  I know what I want out of my career in a generalized sort of way, but damn if I don't know what it is I'd like to actually do.

Math hurts my brain

Today I worked on math review for four hours before taking a placement test for two hours.  That's not including the two days spent prior to this preparing for said test.  Basically, my brain hurts.

To be fair, I don't mind math.  I'm just extremely out of practice.  The last time I took a math class was over ten years ago.  Since then, I've been a store manager, wife, and mother of three.  My mind is usually preoccupied by things other than mathematics.  Why not, right?  Math isn't usually going to help me when I'm trying to explain to a screaming two-year-old that he can't push his brother over while also trying to soothe the nearly one-year-old screaming brother.  Not that history or Spanish is helping me then either.  Although, I've taken those classes much more recently so I'm in a better position for using them.

The most important thing from today is that even though my brain hurts from reading problems off of a computer, working them, then scrolling down to check answers on the computer, and finally taking a computerized math test for two hours, I successfully tested into the two classes I want and need.  Thanks to my brilliant math teacher husband--and public libraries.  Quiet places are very helpful when re-learning math.  Remember, one- and two-year-olds?  Yeah, not math friendly.  Not really brain friendly either....

On a separate note, for anyone who's interested, I have a second blog at http://thewritingprojectblog.wordpress.com/.  Some of it is a rehash of this blog, but that's only until I get into the routine of writing in general.  The content will come after the habit is developed.  Believe me, the ideas are there, I just don't have the "oomph" to bring them to life right now.  Keep following and together we'll get there.

Onwards and upwards

Two days ago I started a new blog about my self-imposed writing project.  The goal is to write for thirty minutes a day.  I already failed.  I didn't write yesterday.  I logged in to the blog and spent twenty minutes sampling themes.  Then True Blood came on and that was that.

Today I will successfully write for thirty minutes.  Fortunately, I now only need about twenty-five minutes more, less if I keep going on here.  Not that I'm trying to limit the writing I do.  That would kind of defeat the purpose.

In case you're wondering, the purpose is to get inspired to actually write something of value.  Don't get me wrong, I have ideas for writing projects, I just never get going.  I'm hoping the thirty minutes a day provides the momentum I need because I realize that my interest in writing isn't enough motivation.  You might be thinking, "Well, thirty minutes isn't that long".  It is with three young children running around. 

Basically my mindset is that I don't have time to set aside for writing.  Why make the time when I'm not benefiting from the writing?  But I know intellectually that while there is no monetary benefit, there is an emotional benefit to pursuing a passion of mine, especially a creative one.  I used to do oil painting.  Now with little ones, I can't leave my paintings lying around to dry for two weeks, or more.  I know I could paint with acrylics, but they just don't have the depth of oil.  I digress.  The point is that I haven't had a creative outlet for over three years (I'm including time served pregnant in addition to the years since the birth of my second child).  Now that the youngest is going to be a year old, it's high time for him to leave me alone and take naps in his own bed (although his two and a half year old brother has recently decided that he's done with napping, thereby nullifying the freedom gained from getting the baby asleep).  In any case, I'm hoping my productivity will increase one way or another.  They say practice makes perfect, so hopefully the daily thirty minutes will produce some results.  Hopefully.

Time for the tooth fairy

Today my daughter lost her first tooth.  She is so excited. She has been showing off her new smile.  I went online to see what to expect from the tooth fairy.  Apparently she now gives an average of $3.75, but I'm not telling that to my daughter.

We have the tooth in a special pillowcase that is just for teeth.  My daughter said her teacher told her a story about how she put her hand under her pillow as a child and felt the tooth fairy's hand.  I hope that doesn't happen tonight.  She might scare the tooth fairy away!

I think creatively

Contemporary Wall Shelves by El Monte Furniture & Accessories Sister Furniture

I'm going to try making these myself so they can be smaller and fit where I want them to.  That's right, I am getting crafty in my spare time.  I'm clearing space in my house one room at a time and brainstorming projects.  I can't wait to get started...

Swaddles

If you are not a parent, you likely don't know what I'm talking about.  But if you are, you understand how comforting and frustrating swaddles can be.  When my first child was born six years ago, I was taught how to swaddle my baby using a receiving blanket.  She would always come loose and crying.  Finally I just gave up and put her in sleep sacks.  It's safer than risking a blanket covering her mouth.

Next came my son in 2012.  He hated swaddles.  Before he arrived, we registered for these sleep sacks that have velcro wraps, which pin the babies arms to their sides.  I know it sounds terrible, but many babies find it soothing to be restricted.  In the womb, they don't have much room to move and they are wrapped up in warm amniotic fluid.  Outside in the world, it's cold and there's nothing to stop their jerky movements.  Babies aren't really that coordinated, plus, being born with the moro startle reflex doesn't help things.  Couple that with their shorter, lighter sleep cycles, and you have one very disturbed night of rest.  Trust me, we had many nights of disturbed rest with our first son.  Even as a toddler, he sucked at sleeping through the night.  He's just extremely active.

My newest son loved being swaddled from the beginning.  Now he's outgrown our favorite swaddle.  We got a larger size, but the velcro has worn out from all his squirming.  We tried letting him sleep un-swaddled.  That was a disaster.  Granted, we moved him into his big boy crib in his own room around the same time, but this little boy had been sleeping through the night and now he had no swaddle for us to safely swaddle him in.  Luckily, I found a swaddle that barely fits that we never used (since my other son had no use for it).  It works for now, but it won't for long.  Enter the Woombie.

I've found that entrepreneurial moms create the best products.  You want something done right, you do it yourself.  This mom created a swaddle that stretches and zips up.  Baby isn't too restricted and it won't wear out.  Just bought one and I am so excited for this thing to arrive.  I'll update when it does, but for now, just making due with what we've got.

This is what I ordered. It's convertible!

Bug in his current swaddle

The seven-year plan

On our trip back from Florida, my six-year-old was coloring in one of those activity coloring books (because we can't just have coloring books, they must have other activities) and came across something that said to write your wish so she asks my mother-in-law, who is sitting next to her, how you spell baby.  After she spells that out, she asks, "how do you spell sister?".  Ha.  She's got some time to wait.  Welcome to the seven-year-plan.

We bought a house in a great neighborhood next to an elementary school.  My daughter just started there this year.  We live within walking distance, which is nice, or will be in two years when my daughter no longer requires an adult to walk her there.  Yep, we discovered that children must be accompanied by an adult until second grade.  I was pretty frustrated until my daughter started school and I realized she is nowhere near responsible enough to walk the 100 yards or less to the school.  It has, however, proved to me that I don't want more kids until my two younger children are old enough to walk themselves to school.  This I have learned after waking my sons up from naps so we can walk about 100 yards to get my daughter at the end of the day.  I'm hoping I will have a mom-friend or a babysitter that can pick my daughter up next year.  But this dilemma of walking kids to and from school is where the seven-year-plan comes into play.

In seven years, my youngest will be in second grade, which is when he can walk himself to school.  Not that he'd be alone because at that point, his older brother would be in third grade and able to accompany him.  Sounds pretty good, right?  Well, besides that happiness, I will hopefully have been working full-time for at least two years at my new job, which had better not be retail. Let me tell you how that's happening.

I'm on pace to transfer to Uva in three semesters tops.  That equates to a year and a half from now so I'm thinking a target date of fall 2015.  Two years there and graduation with a degree in biostatistics.  I'd love an internship at the university to fit in there somewhere.  If not that, I could maybe find a teaching job at the school my husband works at (can you say "carpool"?).  In any case, two years might be enough to establish a good relationship with my employer and enough pay to justify going back to work for them after a baby is born.

The last factor in the seven-year-plan is my age.  Things start getting dicey in terms of creating and carrying a baby after the age of 35.  I'm not trying to be a jerk or judgmental, it's a scientific fact.  In seven years, I will still be short of 35 and my husband short of 40.  Biologically speaking, I'd still be within my birthing prime. 

All together, seven years seems like a good time, assuming we even want another baby at that point, which my husband currently doesn't.  In all fairness, our most recent addition is a perfect little angel who arrived in the most perfect delivery one could hope for so it's tempting to quit while we're ahead.  Judging from the last seven years of my life,  a lot can change in seven years...

I'm just a dreamer

I'm in the car with my family (passenger seat) driving back home from Florida.  Florida is my kind of place: warm.  I love the trees, the style of the houses, the attractions, and most definitely the temp.  The downsides are that we are soon to have no family down here as the grandparents (husband's side) are moving, hurricanes, alligators, hurricanes, lack of employment plans, and hurricanes.  I do like the idea of living here someday and I'm just sitting here dreaming of how to make it happen.  I'm thinking about how much I would love to write.  I have this book about my motorcycle in mind for children, an autobiographical short stories compilation, a play about schizophrenia (in the same style as the play AML that I was in about Acute Myeloid Leukemia), and whatever else I think of in the meantime.  I used to think I'd paint while I was on maternity leave since I love painting oils.  I thought about developing some film I shot years ago but left in my camera. I think I have a good eye so I was hoping to make some money selling some prints.  This is just the artistic stuff I dreamt about working on. It doesn't include my academic pursuits, which include earning a degree in biostatistics.  All I need now is the time to do everything.  Intellectually I know it's about making the effort every day, just a few minutes everyday, but for now I just dream about having the time to devote to my dreams.

Automation by Amazon Prime

So, I read an article awhile back about Ebates, which gives you cash back for using their site to link to other sites to shop online.  For real, I've gotten checks for them that are legit.  I've also spent the same amount or less by using their site to link to shops I visit frequently.  Christmas shopping was a breeze thanks to them and I made some money back (can you say "rewards credit card" plus cash back from Ebates?).  Anyway, through Ebates I got hooked on Diapers.com which gave 5% on every diaper and wipes purchase, in addition to the 2% or more back from Ebates.  Well, Diapers.com changed their policy to 10% off on autoshipped items like diapers and wipes (some paper products counted too).  Free two-day shipping was a nice bonus.  I got an email the other day stating that they will no longer be offering a discount on autoshipping.  Enter Amazon.

A few months back, my husband signed up for Amazon Prime so we could access their instant video collection, probably to watch Downton Abbey when season 3 was exclusive.  Well, we kept the subscription after the trial ended.  I love it.  Two-day shipping!  Besides that, I learned that Amazon has a program called Amazon Mom (kinda sexist, but whatever), which offers 20% off when you subscribe to five eligible items (with Prime).  I opened my autoship shipments from Diapers.com on one tab and compared the prices to the same items on Amazon that are "subscribe and save" eligible. Totally cheaper.  Goodbye Diapers.com, hello Amazon!