I'm sitting at school, in a table for four, alone, typing with my Spanish textbook open. Maybe I look like I'm doing work. I am in a way. People around me sit eating, talking, with their computers open, sharing notes, experiences, lunch.
I sat down to eat my leftovers from yesterday. Half of a sub with ham, roast beef, shredded lettuce, tomatoes, raw shredded onions, and a deliciously spicy dijon mustard/mayo combo. Yum. Afterwards, I opened my book to read a section from a book named Como agua para chocolate. We only have a page of two from the story so I went online to read a quick summary. It's a little messed up, but a lot of stories are. Many stories are overly dramatic and unrealistic. If they weren't, there's a chance they'd resemble our own lives a little too much, boring and predictable. Don't get me wrong, I have a fondness for predictable. It's very useful with small children, but hard to break out of. As I've noted, I'm interested in writing more often; however, I'm finding it very challenging to actually make time to do it, which I've been told (through author quotes on Twitter) means I don't want to do it badly enough. Maybe I don't. It's hard to say.
When I was younger, I was very interested in drawing. I used to do sketches constantly: little cartoons (Smiley Plant was a favorite of mine--Link pending) and faces. I learned early on that faces (and other drawings) make use of shadows to illustrate depth and create a three dimensional effect. I never believed myself that talented. It seemed natural and easy to me to darken parts of the face that sit further back and keep light on the parts that stick out more, such as the tip of the nose, the brow, and the chin. When considering the work of others, I know I'm not that talented. I possess no more ability than the common street artist. I lack vision. My sketches are little more than doodles with no thought and no heart. True artists look at a blank sketchpad and see a drawing within. They are merely exposing it and bringing it to light. They apply emotion, texture, and content. Artists bring their images to life.
The same can be said of painting. I love to paint. There is almost nothing sweeter and more satisfying than sweeping a brush of oil paint across a canvas. Blending two colors to create a third. You learn that shadows are not about using more hatches like pen or more lead with pencil, but choosing different colors and making the ones you do not already have. You can show light and dark with red and green. Painting is an expression of your soul when used liberally. That stuff I can do. Paintings of buildings and wild cats, sunny days changing to rain, birds scattering to the sky--that I cannot do. Again, I lack the ability to visualize how I want to picture to turn out. Even when I have an idea, I lack the technique to bring it to life.
Writing presents a different challenge. I have a story to tell. I know how to tell it. I've been encouraged by a published writer (local friend) that I have ability. I cannot seem to turn up the heat enough to ignite my passion. I enjoy writing, hearing the rhythm of the words in my mind as I read them soundlessly, putting them down digitally. Why can't I just suck it up and do it? Why, indeed.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Hablo español
Today I stayed after class to ask my Spanish teacher if he knew my Spanish teacher from my high school since they are located five minutes apart. He doesn't, but he thinks his colleague does.
Anyway, at some point I mentioned that I had considering minoring in Spanish. He thought that was a great idea! He even said there were people he knew at UVA that he thought would be helpful for me. Hearing that was very encouraging.
I had given up on the idea since I hadn't taken Spanish in nearly ten years, but it is a requirement for my transfer degree so I took the placement test and decided to start at square one so I could move on more easily. I excelled in my previous Spanish classes, but then I had a few semesters off after birthing my youngest. I felt very intimidated and worried that I wouldn't understand what the teacher was saying (my last Spanish teacher was a female and I thought an easy grader). After getting in to class, I discovered I was not behind at all. In fact, I've found myself getting ahead. What a relief! It was even nicer to hear my teacher felt the same way. He said that I'm a natural and have a real aptitude for the language.
So far, I'm feeling the love in all my classes. Since I entered with low expectations of myself, I've quickly surpassed them in both math and Spanish, the two I worried most about. I'm starting to think that maybe I am as smart as I used to think. Either that or I'm not as dumb as I've worried I am. I'll take it. Point being, I guess I'm looking into a minor in Spanish with whatever major I choose.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Labels are for tools...and children
Earlier this week, it was cooler so I had my daughter wear a zip-up hoodie for our walk to her school. We were in a hurry, like usual, so we grabbed the closest one that fit; the new blue, My Little Pony, Rainbow Dash hoodie. As I said, we were in a hurry so we snagged it and ran out the door.
A couple days ago, it was cool in the morning again so I ask my daughter to put on the MLP hoodie. She tells me she lost it. When? She doesn't know. I tell her, "You better find it. I'm not getting you another one." I mention the "Lost and Found" to her because I know that's where that stuff should be going. That afternoon, when I ask if she's located the jacket, she has not. I know my daughter well. She probably forgot to look for it so I sent a note with her this morning addressed to her teacher, asking for assistance in recovering the hoodie.
When I pick her up today, she has her jacket in hand and proceeds to tell me, "You know, you need to put my name on it. My first AND last name". Um, last I checked, she's the one who lost it in the first place and now she's lecturing me on labeling it. I mistakenly assumed she would protect it since My Little Pony is her favorite and she knows it isn't mine. To be fair, I did forget before it left the house; however, I was very much aware that it needed to be labeled. That's why I was so worried she wouldn't find it. It's a nice hoodie! I wouldn't have been surprised if a kid found it and took it home. Thank goodness that didn't happen. So now, the hoodie is labeled. With a first AND last name.
A couple days ago, it was cool in the morning again so I ask my daughter to put on the MLP hoodie. She tells me she lost it. When? She doesn't know. I tell her, "You better find it. I'm not getting you another one." I mention the "Lost and Found" to her because I know that's where that stuff should be going. That afternoon, when I ask if she's located the jacket, she has not. I know my daughter well. She probably forgot to look for it so I sent a note with her this morning addressed to her teacher, asking for assistance in recovering the hoodie.
When I pick her up today, she has her jacket in hand and proceeds to tell me, "You know, you need to put my name on it. My first AND last name". Um, last I checked, she's the one who lost it in the first place and now she's lecturing me on labeling it. I mistakenly assumed she would protect it since My Little Pony is her favorite and she knows it isn't mine. To be fair, I did forget before it left the house; however, I was very much aware that it needed to be labeled. That's why I was so worried she wouldn't find it. It's a nice hoodie! I wouldn't have been surprised if a kid found it and took it home. Thank goodness that didn't happen. So now, the hoodie is labeled. With a first AND last name.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood
Today I put on my son's favorite show, Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. For those who don't know, it's basically a follow-up to the extremely popular Mister Rogers' Neighborhood that features characters created by Fred Rogers.
Growing up, I watched Mister Rogers' Neighborhood all the time. I know I wanted to be his neighbor, you probably did too. I have very fond memories of trolley's bell ringing, Mr. McFeely delivering mail, and Mister Rogers' putting on his signature cardigan sweater and sneakers. It really was "such a good feeling to know you[were] alive" when watching the show. I grew up with a mentally-ill father who was not always emotionally available to me so my childhood memories consist of several specific moments, one of which is sitting in my neighbor Flossie's house watching Mister Rogers' Neighborhood when visiting my family in New Jersey (we moved when I was seven) while she cooked in the kitchen.
Sometimes I'm reminded of those memories when watching Daniel Tiger with my kids. Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood stars the children of the characters from the original Land of Make-Believe, shown in Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. It's very cute, animated, and features a song about whatever topic that's being covered in the two fifteen minute segments. Unlike a lot of shows, the theme for the day is carried through both segments and the song learned in the first one is used in the second segment. For example, today Daniel Tiger felt left out because his friends live in the same tree so they play together all the time without him. The song about being sad and feeling better soon was used in the second half of the show when the class duckling was given to a farm to continue growing. There's something very special about having your children enjoy something that holds sentimental value for you. Hearing my two-year-old sing and dance along to the theme song and watching my one-year-old bob his head to it nearly brought tears to my eyes. How amazing it must be to make such a difference in the lives of children, even after you are gone. I hope someday I can have half the positive effect on people that Fred Rogers had.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Destiny, the game not the philosophical power
I played some Destiny on PS4 not long after the release and my initial feelings were positive. I debated buying the game because I have any number of PS2, PSP, PS3, and DS games that are still in shrinkwrap. Disclaimer: I work for Gamestop. Because of my job, I am surrounded by games and previews. They haunt me, taunting with their bright cover art and promotion items. Not to give the wrong impression, it isn't huge, but I do get a modest discount on games and used items. It stacks with the Power Up Rewards card so I usually buy used, unless it's an RPG since those used to be hard to find after they sold out (Shin Megami Tensei games, Rogue Galaxy, Atelier, anyone?). Basically, it's easy for me to buy games. Lots of games.
Since buying a house, going back to school, having a third child, and buying a minivan to transport said child (and siblings), my gaming budget has been reduced. I also reached a point where it wasn't fun to shop for games anymore. It was kind of sad, to be honest. The moment arrived when I didn't want anything new. I lost my passion for games. Fortunately, my third child would nurse and take tummy naps on me, leaving me with nothing to do, but play games (sister goes to school and brother takes regular naps). Yes, I probably could have done something else, like catch up on several TV series, which I did do until catching up to current series. Point being, I started actually PLAYING the games I owned. Why buy more when I have such a backlog of amazing titles?
As stated, I tried Destiny. I recently bought a used PS4 and only have a few games for it. Most notably, Diablo 3 Ultimate Edition. I love Diablo. My husband and I play it together and the guy who introduced us joins in occasionally, but I knew everyone else would be getting Destiny. Enough of them have asked me if I was planning on purchasing. I said I'd check it out sometime, but could wait. Apparently not. Today, after returning Destiny yesterday, I began to miss it. I even played some Diablo to take my mind off of it. Just didn't cut it so I rounded up some old PS3 games and traded them in. It hurt a little, but I know that I can always re-buy the games I traded, in newer single-disc-space-saving collections (Assassin's Creed: Ezio's Trilogy and God of War Saga). To be honest, I haven't even touched the PS3 since buying the PS4 and I feel a little guilty about that.
Let me tell you why I broke down and bought Destiny. Some background information: Destiny is an MMO-RPG-FPS (for those who don't know, Massively-Multiplayer-Online-Role-Playing-Game-First-Person-Shooter). It's made by Bungie, who created Halo, an extremely popular kind-of-revolutionary FPS. I have experience with some fantasy style MMO's like World of Warcraft and Conan: Age of Hyboria and experience with RPG's. I didn't really get into Final Fantasy (except the 16-bit ones), which is the series most people think of, but I really like the Tales series, Mega Ten games, and blended titles like Borderlands, Fallout, and Mass Effect, that combine RPG elements with First or Third Person Shooting. I love the upgrade systems and rewards for actions like kills and quest completion. I also love loot.
Destiny is possessing of all those elements. There are always other players around that will often help if you encounter a particularly challenging foe (unless you're in a story mission), you can party with your friends (online only and not the BYOB kind....well, that's not completely true, you can still BYOB), and your character levels up. You can even upgrade your gear. The environment is also relatively sprawling and it looks gorgeous. The soundtrack creates a feeling of unease as you walk through dark hallways in abandoned warehouses with naught but a flickering bulb to light your way. Equally terrifying for me are fights involving numerous enemies and a "miniboss" (if you can call them that). They're enemies that have some sort of shield and move very shiftily, although I have adapted to a duck-and-weave strategy that often ends in firing round after round of ammunition and a punch to the face (usually not my face). Hallways are your friends when facing small hordes and so are random containers distributed throughout the environments, which are amazing. Maybe it's because I'm playing the PS4 version, but the details are precise, colors are vibrant, textures are realistic, and shadows move accurately. It looks post-apocalyptic, but lacks the paleness of Fallout 3, and that's a good thing.
Some things to note: it doesn't have the looting extravaganza that you'll find it Borderlands or Diablo, nor do you possess a weight limit like Fallout; however, there are loot chests scattered around that contain currency and materials. Compared to the majority of titles I play, I don't feel pressed to explore every nook and cranny. It's unlikely to be rewarded. I also don't get the benefit of clearing my map since there isn't one, strictly speaking. There's a round "compass" that points towards your objective. Also, in contrast to other RPG's, I find the leveling system to be mildly sluggish. I completed several side missions in an attempt to match the level of the story mission, but found it time-consuming and slightly repetitive. There are a lot of fetch missions that involve killing enemies to collect materials. The good news is that you usually don't need to acquire too many of said items.
Overall, I have a very strong crush on this game. I wouldn't say I'm in love (Borderlands might think I'm cheating on it), but it's a possibility and next to Diablo 3, it's the best thing I'm playing on PS4 (until I open my Last of Us Remastered Edition). It's certainly the best shooter, for me personally. AND for anyone hesitant to shell out $50 for a Playstation Plus membership, do it. It's worth it for all the free games you'll get to download, especially if you already have a PS Vita or PS3 since it works across all three current Sony platforms and allows multiple users on the PS4 to access your downloads. Seriously, you'll thank me later.
Since buying a house, going back to school, having a third child, and buying a minivan to transport said child (and siblings), my gaming budget has been reduced. I also reached a point where it wasn't fun to shop for games anymore. It was kind of sad, to be honest. The moment arrived when I didn't want anything new. I lost my passion for games. Fortunately, my third child would nurse and take tummy naps on me, leaving me with nothing to do, but play games (sister goes to school and brother takes regular naps). Yes, I probably could have done something else, like catch up on several TV series, which I did do until catching up to current series. Point being, I started actually PLAYING the games I owned. Why buy more when I have such a backlog of amazing titles?
As stated, I tried Destiny. I recently bought a used PS4 and only have a few games for it. Most notably, Diablo 3 Ultimate Edition. I love Diablo. My husband and I play it together and the guy who introduced us joins in occasionally, but I knew everyone else would be getting Destiny. Enough of them have asked me if I was planning on purchasing. I said I'd check it out sometime, but could wait. Apparently not. Today, after returning Destiny yesterday, I began to miss it. I even played some Diablo to take my mind off of it. Just didn't cut it so I rounded up some old PS3 games and traded them in. It hurt a little, but I know that I can always re-buy the games I traded, in newer single-disc-space-saving collections (Assassin's Creed: Ezio's Trilogy and God of War Saga). To be honest, I haven't even touched the PS3 since buying the PS4 and I feel a little guilty about that.
Let me tell you why I broke down and bought Destiny. Some background information: Destiny is an MMO-RPG-FPS (for those who don't know, Massively-Multiplayer-Online-Role-Playing-Game-First-Person-Shooter). It's made by Bungie, who created Halo, an extremely popular kind-of-revolutionary FPS. I have experience with some fantasy style MMO's like World of Warcraft and Conan: Age of Hyboria and experience with RPG's. I didn't really get into Final Fantasy (except the 16-bit ones), which is the series most people think of, but I really like the Tales series, Mega Ten games, and blended titles like Borderlands, Fallout, and Mass Effect, that combine RPG elements with First or Third Person Shooting. I love the upgrade systems and rewards for actions like kills and quest completion. I also love loot.
Destiny is possessing of all those elements. There are always other players around that will often help if you encounter a particularly challenging foe (unless you're in a story mission), you can party with your friends (online only and not the BYOB kind....well, that's not completely true, you can still BYOB), and your character levels up. You can even upgrade your gear. The environment is also relatively sprawling and it looks gorgeous. The soundtrack creates a feeling of unease as you walk through dark hallways in abandoned warehouses with naught but a flickering bulb to light your way. Equally terrifying for me are fights involving numerous enemies and a "miniboss" (if you can call them that). They're enemies that have some sort of shield and move very shiftily, although I have adapted to a duck-and-weave strategy that often ends in firing round after round of ammunition and a punch to the face (usually not my face). Hallways are your friends when facing small hordes and so are random containers distributed throughout the environments, which are amazing. Maybe it's because I'm playing the PS4 version, but the details are precise, colors are vibrant, textures are realistic, and shadows move accurately. It looks post-apocalyptic, but lacks the paleness of Fallout 3, and that's a good thing.
Some things to note: it doesn't have the looting extravaganza that you'll find it Borderlands or Diablo, nor do you possess a weight limit like Fallout; however, there are loot chests scattered around that contain currency and materials. Compared to the majority of titles I play, I don't feel pressed to explore every nook and cranny. It's unlikely to be rewarded. I also don't get the benefit of clearing my map since there isn't one, strictly speaking. There's a round "compass" that points towards your objective. Also, in contrast to other RPG's, I find the leveling system to be mildly sluggish. I completed several side missions in an attempt to match the level of the story mission, but found it time-consuming and slightly repetitive. There are a lot of fetch missions that involve killing enemies to collect materials. The good news is that you usually don't need to acquire too many of said items.
Overall, I have a very strong crush on this game. I wouldn't say I'm in love (Borderlands might think I'm cheating on it), but it's a possibility and next to Diablo 3, it's the best thing I'm playing on PS4 (until I open my Last of Us Remastered Edition). It's certainly the best shooter, for me personally. AND for anyone hesitant to shell out $50 for a Playstation Plus membership, do it. It's worth it for all the free games you'll get to download, especially if you already have a PS Vita or PS3 since it works across all three current Sony platforms and allows multiple users on the PS4 to access your downloads. Seriously, you'll thank me later.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Sexism conspiracy and gaming
Maybe it's just me, but I'm so sick of all the "#Gamergate" and "Quinspiracy" bullshit. Every time I go on Twitter, there's some new article or tweet about sexism in games and corruption in journalism. Of course there is! There always has been. Games have been sexist since Mario was rescuing his first princess. Who was making those games anyway? Not women.
Journalism has always been corrupt. Has anyone watched Fox News in the last....ever? Pretty much every written word has been backed by bias. Usually male bias, since women weren't considered capable of anything other than reproduction.
On that note, if women are better suited for the home and pregnancy, why can't the United States support them like other first world nations? That is a discussion for another post.
Back to my original point. All this vitriol over sexism in games and lack of journalist integrity makes me want to stay far away from the industry. I used to be interested in game design or doing artwork either during production or afterwards, but after all this, I'm glad I stayed away from it. The behavior is so juvenile and pathetic that I want nothing to do with it. Can't we all just act like human beings and respect each other? Actually, I take that back because I have no desire to hold any respect for people that behave like adolescent bullies.
While you all argue about who's right and who's wrong, I'm going to go play my games and enjoy them, like I'm supposed to and engage my children because I choose to (and not because I'm supposed to).
Journalism has always been corrupt. Has anyone watched Fox News in the last....ever? Pretty much every written word has been backed by bias. Usually male bias, since women weren't considered capable of anything other than reproduction.
On that note, if women are better suited for the home and pregnancy, why can't the United States support them like other first world nations? That is a discussion for another post.
Back to my original point. All this vitriol over sexism in games and lack of journalist integrity makes me want to stay far away from the industry. I used to be interested in game design or doing artwork either during production or afterwards, but after all this, I'm glad I stayed away from it. The behavior is so juvenile and pathetic that I want nothing to do with it. Can't we all just act like human beings and respect each other? Actually, I take that back because I have no desire to hold any respect for people that behave like adolescent bullies.
While you all argue about who's right and who's wrong, I'm going to go play my games and enjoy them, like I'm supposed to and engage my children because I choose to (and not because I'm supposed to).
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Game consoles in the matrix
I'm taking a finite mathematics course and most recently we learned about matrices. We've been discussing Gauss-Jordan Elimination and terminology. I was doing my homework and having a pretty easy time of it until given a matrix and being asked to find the linear equation it represented and show the solution. Here:
[1 -2 0 -3 | -5] = x1 - 2x2 -3x4 = -5 The confusion I had was what solution I was supposed to show.
[0 0 1 3 | 2] = x3 + 3x4 = 2 There are four variables and only two equations.
My husband teaches math in high school so I figured he could help. As he had me point out, x4 is present in both equations. Therefore, it becomes t. Okay, simple enough. So then we say x3 = -3t + 4. Okay, still good. But now what do we do with x1 and x2 ? As we all know, solving for one variable is easier than two so we say x2 (or x1) is s. So x1 = 2s - 3t -5 and we're done. I say to hubby, "It all seems so arbitrary. How can you assign random letters to different variables and retain some meaning?" This is how he explains it:
"Say we have PS2's, PS3's, PS4's, and Xbox's and we want to find out how many we need to sell of each to get a specific sales figure. If we say that 5000 Xbox's were sold, does that guarantee that 400 PS4's sold? No, so we assign a value t. We then say that another console, PS3's is represented by s. It's not arbitrary because we're accounting for the many real numbers that could be the values for the four variables."
I'm paraphrasing, since he definitely did not use those words exactly, but you get the gist. I was like, "That makes so much more sense when you put it that way". If I didn't have to go to my Statistics class immediately upon finishing Finite, I might have been able to ask my professor, but he doesn't know me personally and know what context would make sense to me. That and my husband is a great teacher.
[1 -2 0 -3 | -5] = x1 - 2x2 -3x4 = -5 The confusion I had was what solution I was supposed to show.
[0 0 1 3 | 2] = x3 + 3x4 = 2 There are four variables and only two equations.
My husband teaches math in high school so I figured he could help. As he had me point out, x4 is present in both equations. Therefore, it becomes t. Okay, simple enough. So then we say x3 = -3t + 4. Okay, still good. But now what do we do with x1 and x2 ? As we all know, solving for one variable is easier than two so we say x2 (or x1) is s. So x1 = 2s - 3t -5 and we're done. I say to hubby, "It all seems so arbitrary. How can you assign random letters to different variables and retain some meaning?" This is how he explains it:
"Say we have PS2's, PS3's, PS4's, and Xbox's and we want to find out how many we need to sell of each to get a specific sales figure. If we say that 5000 Xbox's were sold, does that guarantee that 400 PS4's sold? No, so we assign a value t. We then say that another console, PS3's is represented by s. It's not arbitrary because we're accounting for the many real numbers that could be the values for the four variables."
I'm paraphrasing, since he definitely did not use those words exactly, but you get the gist. I was like, "That makes so much more sense when you put it that way". If I didn't have to go to my Statistics class immediately upon finishing Finite, I might have been able to ask my professor, but he doesn't know me personally and know what context would make sense to me. That and my husband is a great teacher.
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