I've been feeling a little funky lately and couldn't quite pinpoint the cause. I've been feeling especially restless. I'm still going to my classes, but I've also started working more. That could be going better. It's not that I'm not motivated, I'm just unable to be excited. I'm trying, but it's not genuine.
I went back to my old concerns that I'm mildly depressed so I looked up natural remedies online. One article suggested exercise, time in the sun, and Omega-3 fatty acids. I get more exercise now than I have in years, but I do keep out of the sun and I haven't been eating a lot of fish lately so today I'm sitting in the sun and I bought salmon to eat later. I think I'm on the right track.
The other point the article mentioned was the social aspect. I always felt that I needed more time alone, but now, I'm feeling rather lonely. I always have, but at least before, I had many acquaintances to keep my mind off of it. Now, I'm pretty isolationist. It's tough to meet up with people with my kids and their schedules. Now that I'm working more, it's even more difficult. I know my interactions at work are helping to restore my mental acumen, which had been waning, but it's just not enough. I love my husband and my kids, but I need a close friend--a confidante, if you will. To be honest, I've always felt that relationship lacking most of all and now more than ever. My best friend since sixth grade is across the country. My cousin, who is like a sister, is several states away, and my best friend from college is in South Korea, another country! I need a replacement. I have a few candidates in mind, but I think I'm scared that I don't know how to build a friendship anymore. That and two out of the three women I'm thinking of have their own children to schedule around. I know I should be comfortable getting our kids together, but my house is a mess and my kids can be a hassle. I'd leave them with my husband, but I feel guilty leaving him alone since we don't see each other nearly enough as it is.
Either way, I definitely need to do something about it. I'm determined to stop being a victim and take action. It's time to think positively and encourage my own happiness. I know it's not as simple as wishing it and then making it so, but when you remind yourself of the good things you have and stop worrying about what you don't, you will feel happier. As I'm writing this, I'm actively engaging myself in being happier. I'm actually allowing myself to feel better.
This is going to sound disjointed when read with the previous paragraphs, but it fits in with the overall post. A few articles I read talked about the effects of gratitude on your well-being. When you practice gratitude, you feel better. Remember how they told you as a child that giving gifts is better than receiving and you didn't really believe it? By now, you've probably realized the truth in that statement. It feels at least as good to say "thank you" as it does to hear it. I just thanked my husband for making a delicious dinner and thanked God for not letting me fail my Stats quiz (luck also played a large role). Point is, practicing gratitude is one way that I'm taking control of my happiness.
The true test will come tomorrow when I get back to work. Having a good day at school is pretty easy as an adult in college compared to having a good day at work (totally reversed from when I was in high school). Here's to positivity!
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